Lost And Found

Having a child has many astounding affects on many people. If it does one thing to everybody though it's this. The searching. The sudden realization to stop, pause life, reflect, gather and contemplate. To go over the things in your life which you know or have learned thus far and simply....ponder. It's interesting to me today that, that very thing is the reason I started this blog. To ponder. Life, the ins, outs, complexities and oddities. To share the joy I take in finding the quirks. Here I am now, being brought through so much more to ponder. Maybe that just confirms that I was on the right path all along. So, I am here to share. These are the thoughts that have been racing lately. The lost and found moments of recent if you will....

Finding a beautiful moment in time. Occasionally in my life I have found myself struck by these absolutely amazing moments. Never when I expect them, but always when I seem to most need them. I get lost in myself sometimes. We all do. Caught up in the everyday junk. Caught up in the sadness's and pessimism's of life and not being grateful or simply not understanding why we face so many challenges. For me though, when that moment hits. That peace finally arises it makes all the other stuff worth it. The small stuff is truly what matters for me. I found a moment this evening. I have been sad, confused, madly in love, blessed, happy and strangely wonderful lately. I sit here this afternoon though. A beautiful inspiring moment having landed in my lap when I needed it most. Sia is playing in the background, candles are lit and the smell is intoxicating. The sun glimmers little bits of light through the trees surrounding my cozy space. The wind is blowing just a slight breeze, kissing everything lightly as it passes, the leaves rustling and a slight chill in the air. A moment of pure peace to reflect. I love these moments.

A donut can cure most hungry ills, and three cold chocolate donuts in a matter of two hours can even cure a pregnant woman's ills!

A lesson learned by expansion. I recently reinforced in a friend, a valuable lesson that was told to me when becoming a parent the first time around. A lesson that is simple enough. Sometimes however we need reminding. "It is always harder to be a good parent." I have always only thought of this lesson so blatantly in this context. Parenting. How naive of me. Fact is, it's is harder to do anything the right way. That's what gives the feelings of success though. The getting through it. I know its not easy to do the right things in life. It is worth it, but not easy. In reminding my friend of this, I reminded myself. Funny how that works.

Who remembers Nell?? The movie Nell. That woman was free. With the fear of sounding half witted over here. I have those moments when all I want to do is throw my hands in the air and dance around half hazard without any inhibition.

At some moment we are all our parents aren't we? If that's not a lesson in parenting then I don't know what is.

An angst filled love with fate. Dear Lord, life has shown me a tough path at certain turns in the road. I have days when all I want to do is fall to pieces and cry from the tiredness that takes over my body. In these moments I ask repeatedly, screaming, "why" I just want to see. Praying "God just give me the strength." I always pull through. The pieces always come together and the beautiful twisted story of events that lies behind is always, always an incredulous moment in my life that leads to such knowledge that at times it feels I may not be able to carry it all around. I may topple. I feel so blessed. Blessed to have made it through the tragedies that have struck so that I can realize and appreciate even the hard times.

The deep is just that. Deep. Life is so amazingly beautiful!

KOL

Awww, the heavens parted and there it fell from the sky. A wondrous silver disk with this music on it called Kings Of Leon. Okay, so maybe that's overdoing it but in all seriousness, what a great CD!!

Anybody who knows me at all will come to know that I am a huge, HUGE music fan. If I weren't so penniless then I would take stock in a music store and fill it with my own personal collection! Might I add while on this topic, that the best music stores are the hole in the wall ones with people behind the counter who actually appreciate the music more than their paycheck.

Even for a junkie though, there are times of boredom and non-impressiveness. I feel as if over the past 6 months of music there has been a very "predictable" atmosphere in the music world. Well, the forecast has changed...at least in my book. Rafe and I recently picked up this CD for his trip to Europe. He had asked me to gather some names of new CD's he may want to purchase so that he'd have some new music. I think he was expecting a handful of new band options and I produced thirty! Junkie, junkie, junkie, music is my crack people. I love how it can take you to another place. It can ease your emotions, make you feel like your not alone, transform your mood. Not to mention, buying a new CD ties in my love for Graphic Design and getting to see a glimpse into the artist mind by looking through the booklet is comparable to the joy I get out of eating fudge on Christmas! Tangent sorry.

So back to my point. This new CD was a nice break from the pack. A breath of fresh air. To make it even more exciting, they are playing at Red Rocks in Colorado this August!!! RED ROCKS...excuse me while I squeal with excitement. OMG, I so want to go to this concert. I may throw my sleeping back and some munchies in the car and drive my ass out there! I love Red Rocks! Best venue I've been to so far. That's another blog for another time. So check out Kings Of Leon. I've included their link and a picture of their CD so you can see what the hell I'm talking about

Observation Deck

Rafe is in Europe for a month. He's only been gone a week and I miss him like I have never missed anybody else. I didn't even know in 28 years of life that I could feel like this. Of course if I thought about him every second of the day I'd be tempted to hop a plane and fork the bill to my closest Visa at hand. I've kept busy observing and here's a few notable things.


I think it's funny when I see a sign on a building that says "parking in rear." I know it's immature, but come on, it's funny!

Bugs have the most terrifying life. Constantly worrying about getting killed by a human who is 1000 times their size. They can just be cruisin along and all the sudden somebody walks in the room and flicks on a light. FREEZE, OH SHIT...not the shoe,..at least give me a Kleenex..soft death. I mean really. What goes through their minds?

It occurred to me recently that there is more school bus activity in a poor or moderate income neighborhood. It makes sense of course that those families probably can't afford to buy cars for their teens and therefore they are still riding the bus. So I wonder if that plays into the school budget at that point. Because they have to maintain more buses. Or does it change the psyche of those teenagers? Does it make them less independent? Or are they more independent because they are more likely to deal with hardships?


I love frozen Laffy Taffy. It's like a non-melting Popsicle. Could you ask for anything more?


When your trying to save money at the grocery store, your food items typically end up requiring that you have a mass ownership of bowls. For the soup and Ramen noodles!

I think the phrase "distance makes the heart grow fonder" needs a tweaking. I think "distance makes the emotions grow stronger." It's all dependant on what the emotion is. Trust me, I've been grateful for the breathing room before. If your in love with somebody, or already fond of them though it's a different story. It can make you miss them so badly that you have a constant stomach ache from wanting them around.

So thank Rafe (seen below) for this weeks observations. Isn't he handsome with the look of "what the hell are you doing?"

I Heart Pencils

Absolutely love them. I am a dedicated pencil fan and would stand up any day and take a pencil over a pen. Being somebody who over analyzes I have an inner urge to always have an eraser located in a nearby proximity. I assume that I developed this love of pencils partially because I like to draw / doodle constantly. That scratchy sandpaper sound of lead on paper, and the smell...that's right, smell. It happens right after you've sharpened it. Kind of like lighting a match, that split second lovely chemical smell.

Changing the subject now... Tim recently asked me "if a Dairy Queen catches on fire does it burn slower because everything inside is frozen and cold?" All I could do was shake my head and say "I'm sorry" it seems I've passed on this sickness of analyzing randomnesses.